she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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