The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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