You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
