don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize