Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
