In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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