Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
