dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
