Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
