I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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