Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
