Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry about my life...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
