i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
