I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
