I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
