I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
