My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
