If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
