you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
