Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you. Go after that dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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