Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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