Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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