Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
