I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
