If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
