You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
