I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
