My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
