the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
