So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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