1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The air taste purple.
Randomize
