My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
