we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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