my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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