You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
