I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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