my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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