Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
