He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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