I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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