Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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