I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
