Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
