She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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