Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
