Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
