best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
