I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
40s are totally the cure
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
