i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
