i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize