Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
