he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
