I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
