you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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