You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize