New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
