I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize