hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
