Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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