There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
did i walk over a car last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My liver just had a heart attack.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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