On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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