WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
