He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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