she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
